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Cursillo is right.It would be helpful if you had support that you could turn to personally and a priest would be the best source of support.

Of course,we're more than glad to do what we can for you here.It may be the anonimity of our board that makes it easy for you to talk about these things too. Anytime you need us,we're here.

That said,having someone in your personal life that can help you would be the way to go and hopefully a priest.Since you haven't been a practicing Catholic,according to your post,in a very long time i know that might be difficult. But NOT impossible!!

You certainly love your parents very much.The 4th commandment tells us to honor our father and mother.Even when they're abusive.Yep. Love is a decision and is sometimes very difficult when it's not reciprocal.You seem to have forgiven them as well.That's good too.You have to decide to forgive as well. However,that does not mean you have to CONDONE anything they do. Big diff.

Your mom and you both have the right to be treated like dignified persons because you are.

I picked up that you may be as upset with your mom as with your dad because she tolerates his behavior.You have probably asked yourself a zillion times why doesn't she just leave him?
I hear this idea that women who have come from abusive homes look for abusive husbands or at least tend to marry men who are abusive. I would say 50% do and 50% don't.I don't buy that theory that all women who marry abusive husbands do sobecause they grew up believing this was ok.That they came from abusive homes.

Marriage is a leap of faith.A big one. We don't have a crystal ball.Most of the time what you see is what you get,but that's not ALWAYS true.

Sometimes ppl just don't know and had they had any way of knowing probably wouldn't have walked into it period.

The problem with your dad is his thinking. It is very difficult to change ppls thinking.

If someone grows up believing that a red ball is blue then the first step has to be to get them to see that it's red. Only then is there hope for change.
So pray,pray and never quit praying.We (myself included)sometimes use prayer as the last resort when it should be hte first one.
Maybe you could attend Mass at a local Catholic Church.
That would get you through while all this is going on.
It may be uncomfortable since you haven't been there in a long time so you might want to think about contacting the priest at a particular parish and talking to him.
That would also give you the chance to tell him what is going on in your life.
We can post the Hail Mary if you can't remember it.Start with one a day.
It'd be nice fi you could go to Mass eventually.Or stop in a Catholic Church and spend some quiet time in prayer for now.
I was away from the Church for a long time.The building didn't fall down when i came back.

Can you tell your folks from a distance that the fighting upsets you very much and if you're going to spend time together could they at least call a truce for the time you're there?

You may not change them.Go to Jesus through Mary and leave your parents and the situation in His hands.

Do what you CAN do especially praying.
Meantime,like Rooster said,find someone to support you,for you to talk to,who can advise you there.

Not sure we've helped but we certainly hope so.Seek someone out there.We'll be praying for all of you too.You need someone there outside your own family.I can't stress priest enough. Since you're seeking spiritual answers that's the best route.

A final thought.You may want to consider( when you do find someone to help you), discerning between what is a normal parental responsibilty to have expectations of their kids and abusive authoratative (controlling)behavior.

Example.My husband and i babysat 5 kids for awhile.Now mind you these weren't even our own kids and we had expectations.
They came to our home right after school.First off anyone had homework.Had to be done before anything else.No tv.Nuttin.Homework first. Course they weren't all school age so it wasn't all of them.
They had to pick up their own toys. I didn't play with them-wasn't about to pick em up.
We both had computers.They were not allowed anywhere's near my husband's computer.We threw some kids games on mine. We had a system so they shared.

Had to eat supper and bed time was bed time.
Unless their folks gave us and them permission they weren't to go anywhere.
They had 15 min on the phone.That was it. Our phone-they didn't pay the bill. We weren't gonna have them tie it up for hours on end.Kids can talk for hours to ppl they just saw 5 min ago.
They spent a few times standing in the corner but overall these were really nice kids and really no major problem.
But they went by what we expected. Abusive? Don't think so-they often asked if they could stay over.
So that's something you might want to discern with the priest too.To evaluate what expectations were abusive and what were for the benefit of you and your family.No kid is perfect.No parent is perfect. I hope things get better for you. Keep in touch and let us know. We do care here.

What do you think?
GB!~
p4p